i don't even know where to start now that i have stopped blogging for a long time.

On feb 23, we had International bazzar. Went rather well for us. People came in throngs at times and the number were more than expected!

Came march, more exams before my spring break! Still unsure where to go, but i definitely not spending a week of break here in stillwater. I need a break not only from the hectic yet monotonous days of college, but also from the contrasting slow-pace, quiet, jaded city of stillwater. Hence, i need to get out! haha...

cultural night... i just want to be "backstage helper' and/or the audience now. After last year, for me if i were to take part, i want to dance. Not that i like to dance. I totally hate it! and can't dance, but if i were to be on the stage, i might as well go all out and dance! I dont' want to just sit there and stone in a traditional costume and heavy make up. No more of that for me. Once is enough. I'm trying to find ways to avoid their prying eyes and constant request. How do you turn down request from insistent people NICELY?

I gained a better understanding of myself thanks to my zhi. It's not a sudden revelation. I know it exist, but I chose to ignore it for many years, nonetheless unconsciously feedng it. With my anxiety and pessimism as its water and warmth/ sulight, it sprouted from a seed and bloomed into a plant. How far has the roots grow? Is it deep enough to not to be able to pull it off anymore?

I think the first thing I have to do is to stop it's growth. Stop feeding it! Step by step, it would hopefully wither and died... How long? It's hard to say. it takes time. Some are stronger than the other. I think this one would take a bit of time. it's been growing healthily for years.