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The best burger in NYC !

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birthday

Just wanna wish my little sista a Happy Birthday!
she seems to like the card and handphone chain that I made =D

I wondered what do couples do when they are together?

I have the chance to fall in love and be loved... something that more than a year ago was just a fantasy. He's not the person I thought I will fall for, but he accepted my flaws, he's nice to me... I thought it was enough, but from all the fantasies and the love drama series, I unconsciously have certain expectations of him, and when he didn't fulfill those expectations, I will throw my tantrum . I pushed his patience one too many times, but at the end of the day he forgave me, we forgave each other.

I told myself to have no more expectation and just receive whatever come to me. I tried, but I couldn't. I still have fantasies. I still wish that he could be more romantic, that he would spend less time on the computer games, that we will spend some romantic times together. What do I want from him? What do I want us to do together?.... he asked me very obvious, matter-of-fact questions, but each time I don't know what to answer. I don't know what I want, I just don't like what we have at the moment.

Going to the movies, going out for meals together... the typical activities. I'm not so much a movie type of person. I don't really like to go the the cinema. It's expensive and the seats are uncomfortable. Then, he asked me again... I always complained that we kept doing the same things, that we didn't go out and when he asked me to catch a movie, I didn't want to go.
I don't know what I want exactly, but obviously it is not going to a movie or a bar!

I read some of my friends' blog. Those lovebirds had picnics together, went to the parks together... I wondered, wouldn't it be nice to do that to with him. but he's just not the type of person and I'm not sure if that is what I want either, but we haven't tried those yet... People says it's better to be with a guy who's not romantic as most romantic guys are playboys...are they?

At the end of the day, what ever complaints or dissatisfaction that i have, Icouldn't bear the thought of not having him be part of my life. Is this love?

I had a haircut a week ago and I hated it! I will never cut my hair again in us (except in the salon in dallas). I look so aunty... the bottom line is that it's way too short and it made me not want to look at my reflection in the mirror. I will wash my hair everyday so my hair would hopefully grow longer faster.

I had my 22nd bday and how I spent it? I cooked laksa for around 15 people... My roommate and ana helped me a lot with the prep and cooking. Thanks guys! Roommate asked me why was it that I cooked -- preparing my own birthday party. I guess I just didn't want my birthday to be to quiet and normal. Truth be told, I wanted a party and I know there won't be one. So, prepare the party myself. Everyone's happy and full at the end and it was a fulfilling birthday.

I have been thinking a lot lately. Too much thoughts that I broke down. I called my mum and I cried. I felt so foolish for calling home as soon as I heard her worried voice. It wasn't a big deal it was just her daughter was in a point of desparation. If she didn't talk to anyone she will soon go mental! But talking to my parents about my worries helped a lot. Part of my worries was because I was scared of letting them down. I don't know what I want to do. I can't see the path that I'm suppose to take. I have no sense of direction. I'm lost... Hearing their concern, and most importantly their understanding put my worries at ease, some of it anyway. I know I shouldn't have worried them, but I guess I also wanted them to know not to put too high expectation on their eldest daugther.

I yearn for changes. I wanted to leave this place. I wanted to start a new. I wanted to begin a new chapter of my life by building everything from scratch. Those were what I ended up feeling after thinking. That comes for a girl who doesn't like changes, who doesn't like the unexpected, who prefer things to be constant.

I guess it says a lot of what I have been feeling lately of this place and everything related to this city. I felt that I lost the drive to do anything. I just felt sick and tired of everything here. I don't know if moving to another place is the right decision or I will come to regret it. There are priceless memories in this city, but for some reason, I just wanted those to be just memories, to be the past.

Saturday was Valentine's Day.... The second one we shared together... I wasn't expecting anything from him actually. First, he told me he won't give me flowers anymore, since it broke his heart to see the dozen of roses he gave me for last year's vday withered in a few days time. I tried my best to preserve it. In fact, i still have those (well, he did mention he will give me just a stalk if they sell one). Second, he's not a romantic person. Third, my birthday is coming in 5 days time (he said he had a present for me already, so it will be the vday and bday pressie). Actually, I just expect him to treat me to a dinner. That's all. haha...

But Saturday started rather early for me. I had to wake up at 9 am to help IOSA with preparing bala2 (vegetable fritters) as we were having International Bazaar. So half the day spent in the bazaar. Zhi came around noon to eat lunch, but he left earlier as he had to help his roomie's bro moved things. But before he left, he told me that he bought me a flower. It was such a pleasant surprise. A stalk of red rose means i'm the one and only one, he said, better than a dozen...

The next time we met again was in the evening. Since we were still full, I watched some drama series while he slept. Since the restaurants would be crowded, I suggested that we cooked our dinner. I made chicken alfredo pasta. I've been wanting to make the alfredo sauce. I had even bought the ingredients. Then, i had the idea of making a heart shape in the middle of the spaghetti with red pepper flakes.... hihi... We made our drinks from ice cream mixed with a little chocolate liqour. My roommate left the house a few minutes after zhi came... hmph... was it deliberate or just a coincidence? haha...

After dinner, Zhi suggested to go to the cinema, but I declined. Since it's weekend, the tickets are expensive and there will be streams of people lining up.

Ended up helping zhi's clean his room as it was dirty from the afternoon's moving. Zhi downloaded "Underworld" which we watched later in the night. I only managed to watch around half of the movie. I fell asleep. It was a long day. Nonetheless, a nice one :)

School has started for a month now and it was kinna fuzzy for the first 2 weeks as i was still on my holiday mode... went to classes feeling sleepy and unmotivated... The first exam for the semester was over and more is to come in the next 2 weeks... great!

I went to the career fair and what i got from the experience was nothing but escalated despair and helplessness... I've been feeling really forlorn and useless thinking of what to do after graduating this year and whether i will be able to get an internship this summer... but most or all of the companies don't sponsor or hire international students as full time employees and if they offer internship, you have to apply online through their website which they won't even see with the numerous application that they received. Can you blame me for being all negative about my future... i'm really thinking if it's a big mistake studying business as undergraduate course, but i can't go back, it too late. *sigh*

On a lighter note, cooking is indeed therapeutic, so does eating ( i've gained all the weight that I shed ). I've been baking cookies and tarts, cooking some dishes that I know (well, it's nice to cook for someone other than myself), making chocolate corn flakes... and making a valentine's day present for zhi and me... here's a sneak peek ....




But i think it's kinna girly for a guy... and i don't think he will put it on his cellphone, but he can treat it as a keychain.


And I really made these from scratch!!! I designed, hand-sculped, and put them together myself....
I hope you, whoever read this, will give me some opinion about these creations of mine, what do you guys think? May be I can start making this and sell it online, like many other people who open blogs just to sell things. hmph... just a thought.

trip to okc...

Visited the Oklahoma City National Memorial & Museum with Zhi, Ani, Ana and Nico... since zhi's getting his haircut, so why don't we do some sight-seeing rather than just go to the shopping mall, or the supermarket like we usually did whenever we go to OKC... I did some googling... and came up with this or the Botanical garden... it's still winter and more boys so no flowers... Anyway, it was educational. I heard of the Oklahoma terrorist bombing before but to visit the site, it made me know more about the bombing...although the real understanding of the tragedy only dawned upon me when I browsed through the photos a few minutes ago ( I guess I was busy taking photos... especially of me and zhi caused I realized that we haven't taken any photos together recently...anyway, in my "eagerness" I broke zhi's camera >.< )



I uploaded some photos so that whoever you are that happened to read this see and hopefully feel the devastation of the terrorist attack and at the same time live life to the fullest.


The Gates of Time (below)
Monumental twin bronze gates frame the moment of destruction - 9:02 - and mark the formal entrances to the Outdoor Memorial. 9:01, found on the eastern gate, represents the last moments of peace, while its opposite on the western gate, 9:03, represents the first moments of recovery. Both time stamps are inscribed on the interior of the monument, facing each other and the Reflecting Pool.
9:03
9:01
" We come here to remember Those who were killed, those who survived and those changed forever. May all who leave here know the impact of violence. May this memorial offer comfort, strength, peace, hope and serenity. "

Field of Empty Chairs: 168 empty chairs hand-crafted from glass, bronze, and stone represent those who lost their lives in the tragedy.

The survivor tree

The inscription around the inside of the deck wall around the Survivor Tree reads:

The spirit of this city and this nation will not be defeated; our deeply rooted faith sustains us.

The Memorial Fence


And Jesus Wept
"... Jesus weeping turning away from the bombing destruction. He stands facing the granite wall that represent the victiims of the bombing..."

blogs

I didn't know you could actually see who viewed your blogs... (i'm really surprised that Lyna mentioned me ... haha... or perhaps i should have said, "Oops!":P Now, she would know that i frequent her blog... hehe...).

When I'm bored (which is what i have been feeling lately due to the winter break), I always browsed through my friends' blogs even those whom I haven't talked to for a long time, or that of acquaintances' ... it made me feel like i know them, what's happening in their lives...to a certain point, it felt kinna weird that i seemed to know more about what's going on in their lives than that of my closest friends' (who have no blog and will sometime take ages to reply my emails :P ).

I couldn't remember how I ended up visiting those selective few blogs or how I always visit Valerie's first(i think cause the website is easy to remember)... one blog and you can get connected to others.

Anyway, sometimes I got irritated that people din update their blogs as I was bored I want to read something to fill my time... This was so selfish of me! I didn't even update my blog often so that people who are bored and frequent my blog could ease through their boredom...

I won't be bored soon... school is starting in 2 weeks' time... i hope to visit Tulsa before the new sem. started ...

...and perhaps a couple more movie night at Oma's (my malaysian friend) place... I have watched quite a few movies with her and my cousin! But Zhi seem to care less about those nights. He got his Cabal games... I have to think of ways to get him to watch those romantic movies with me (like P.S. I love you, the Notebook...) so that he can be more romantic... (this is actually one of them... I know he will read my blog. So Zhi, you know what to do... i hope).

New Year

I spent the first day of 2009 baking cup cakes and cleaning the kitchen... my roommie would be proud of me for cleaning the kitchen while she's away!

I just had the sudden urge to bake cupcakes.... and I finally learned how to make frosting... haha...

3,2,1...The fireworks lighted up, colored papers were released... couples were seen kissing and smiling despite the cold weather in NYC. That's the scene from Times Square..."the center of the world". It's 2009 in NYC but it's an hour shy of the new year in my place... I was browsing the Net, then it was 5 minutes before the midnight strike... flipped through the channel and found a live show from downtown okc... Yeah, its officially 2009!!!

For 3 consecutive years, i spent my Christmas and New Year at home... I was glad that I was warm not freezing cold like those people in times square or downtown okc... but i suddenly missed the new year countdown at Orchard Road... the decoration... the atmosphere... or did I? I hate the crowded streets, the pushing and jostling... but for 3 years of spending my winter break in Stillwater... I really missed Orchard Road... It surprised me too...THREE YEARS!!! Next year would be my fourth and hopefully my last winter in Stillwater... Well, i kinna hope this year was the last as i hope to be away from Stilly next winter.

I will miss 2008 as I would anticipate what 2009 in store for me.

Dream

I was real bored, so I browsed through the Facebook, reading others' accounts and I came across this saying in one of the notes I read.

" By their very nature, dreams can never come true. If we were ever to fulfill a dream, it ceases to exist and is a dream no more.

Forever a journey, an imaginary destination..."

I don't know if it's his own opinion or he took it from a book (i think it's his opinion), but these made me ponder upon the meaning of dreams...

Dream is "forever a journey, an imaginary destination", is it?

I think it depends on what the dream is- how realistic it is... If it's realistic, it can come true! It is not imaginary. Well, it may start out to be just one's imagination, but it is possible to be realized.

I agree that if the dream came true, it won't exist anymore...

...It has become a reality!

Holiday mode...
It's freezing out there, making me not wanting to take a step out of the house, just wanna cuddle up in my room watching shows...

I got Doong Ee for dunno when. His owner went to dallas so I got to babysit him. Kinna miss him, but he's still sooo spoilt.

We had a Korean Bbq stlye dinner last night. Too bad we din take photos. I just realized that I havent' taken any photo with my roommate before. haha...

Anyway, back to slacking...

The finals are finally over!!!! Yeah! An end to a busy, busy semester! The semester seemed to take forever to end! Ok, i'm just exaggerating... I wished the semester would end as soon as it started... Anyway, I had 5 exams and one each day MOnday to Friday.

Honestly, I still couldn't decide which one is worse- one every day for 5 days or a combination of one or two per day with a day or two break in between. There are the good and bad for each situation... I'm just soooo exhausted with burning midnight oil, sleeping at 2.30am each night... Needless to say, I have a pimple breakout due to late night and unhealthy diet :(

Time to relax now!

What I take away from this semester is that ... accounting is not that bad. Seriously! I hated accounting! Journal and adjusting entries, statements of cash flows, balance sheet... But I don't hate accounting as much after this semester. I guess I really put in more effort in learning about the subject and it turned out to be pretty good.

Speech is kinna fun! Perhaps that's because I have the greatest instructor ever! haha... Ms. Elwood. She's so bubbly, always smiling and her passion... you can see it! She made the "dreaded" speech 2713 seemed less intimidating and fun! She always refers us- her students- as sweet students, greatest students ever... I'm gonna miss her!

And, it's kinna nice not working and just studying... more time to "relax". No more going home at night feeling bumped out from standing for 5/6 straight hours, no more worrying about finding a sub., no more working during final weeks.... but... there's always a but, isn't it? But, I have no income :(

I really hope I would get a better job- as in hopefully no more job in dining services... but I think it's just a fat hope >.<

Finally!!!! the end of october... end of a busy, busy month! *sigh*

I can finally feel relaxed!

I got my ex-roomie's dog for almost a week. Ani brought him over, but couldn't really play due him for my exams and assignment. So felt bad for not playing with him.... he felt so restless for being tied in a corner. I wanted to set him free, but he needs supervison. Otherwise, I will come home to a mess!

But he's such a spoilt puppy! You have to sit beside him when he eats, otherwise, he won't eat -.-
But he was so cute last night. He kept looking at Ani's hamster. He sat down beside the cage, and when the hamster went into his house at the corner, he scratched the corner to make the hamster went out. haha.... And he was soooooo absorbed with watching the hamster that nothing we did distract him! I almost thought he was a cat!

I want a puppy too.... but not as spoilt as this puppy. haha...

Also, i learnt an important lesson about gossipping >.<
I felt really bad... Lesson well learnt!

I went to my first American football match, finally!!! The atmosphere was alright. It wasn't a big game, but I got the feel of the "orange" spirit of OSU! And also a little knowledge of this version of football... still prefer the English version though!

I have been super busy these past few weeks and will be busy till the end of October. October is- will be- an extremely busy month. Started with 2 birthdays--> 2 birthday cakes to make.

First, Zhi's birthday. I decided to make an ice cream cake. Literally, an ice cream cake; ice cream on top, and cake below- ice cream cake :P

The next day, it was ani & ana's birthday... cheesecake for them! And Ani wanted to have a bbq for her birthday. So bbq at night... (an another bbq the next day!)

It amazed me too that I can make two cakes which were honestly not bad for a first timer. It was the first time I make ice cream cake and cheesecake! Haha... kinna relieved that the cakes turned out well- both taste and appearance :) (althought the cheesecake was rather under baked). I guess that's one of the good thing of coming to US. I'm "forced" to cook!!! Haha...

The day after, it was International Expo. Had to help out selling satay, grilled the satay, not forgetting the hot afternoon sun grilling us all too... 3 days in a row, my days were filled with food! Not surprising, I was left exhausted at the end of the third day!

Finally, Fall Break came. Only 1 day, but it's still enought for a weekend trip to Dallas, TX...

We basically went there to eat, shop and get away from Stillwater. Ani and I went to get our haircut too. hehe... 4 hour drive for a haircut. hmph...

Exams are coming, assignments and project are due.... I want October to pass quickly!!!

I'm sooooo over the moon right now.... why? 'caused I passed my driving test! Yup, i passed my practical test in my first try :D I always thought that it would be a kind of miracle if I ever passed my driving test in my first try. I'm not so good at practical stuffs....

But with practice and a little faith, nothing is impossible... my passing the test is a prove of that! I always have issues with my self-esteem. Zhi asked me why I am always so pessimistic... it's not that i want to think negatively, but at times, I felt the more confident I feel, the more I was likely to fail, and when you have high expectations, the more you will be disappointed. And I always give myself an excuse for thinking negatively-- I'm preparing for the worst, so if it happened, the impact would be lesser on me. I know it's a mindset that I have to change. It's difficult, no doubt about it.

But i'm slowly trying to alter my outlook on things. I guess I just have to learn to have the right dose of confident- not to small but not to much- just the right dosage.

I have to buy zhi ice cream. We agreed that if I fail, he had to console me and buy me ice cream and if i passed, i have to buy him one (though i just write it off). Anyway, it's an ice cream that I would gladly buy for him :D

It's 3am on friday 20th June (singapore time). The alarm clock rang, but I was too lazy to get up. I would just catch the second half, I thought. I slept, and made a dream about betting... weird dream, but it made me remember about the quarter-final match between germany and portugal.

I was rather irritated when I learnt that I would have to watch the euro 2008 online as only cable tv broadcasted the match :(

cable tv... i missed US at this time... it would be afternoon so I would not have to cut my sleep short and I wouldn't have to settle for online tv...

anyway, the match was entertaining with 5 goals. 3 of them were through headers!!!

My bet was on Portugal... Thankfully, I kept my money where it belonged and did not bet.
Germany3-2 Portugal FT

Germany was right on target!

Off the field...
I just read from a blog that a teacher from zhss, mr kelvin tan passed away... I'm not sure how old he was, but he was YOUNG! And from the days in zhss, he came across as someone who's healthy and fit (likes working-out type of guy). As it turned out, he had a liver infection and delayed his treatment so as to be there for his students for Mid-year.

I was shocked by his sudden death, but deeply moved by his commitment as a teacher.

I guess it's just another reminder of how fragile life can be.

Didn't bring camera but thanks to zhi kai, the budding photographer, we had this photo. hehe...

I'm back at Spore!!! =P

The day after I reached, Bangkok trip was awaiting. Even before I managed to shrug off the jet-lag, I had to board another plane to another city.

Overall, Bangkok was alright. It was hot and humid... duh! What was I expecting???

Anyway, we visited temples, floating market, and some shopping areas. The things were not as cheaply priced as I thought. Nonetheless, we still bought some clothes and souvenirs.

Back to Singapore and fatigue was bugging me down. It held me back from going out. I was soooo tired that I stayed at home for 2 days.

Then, it time to check out the great singapore sale (GSS).

Last night, meet up with some of 4e1 people. The guys or shall I say the NS guys had nothing to say except NS stuffs -.- Nonetheless, it was nice to meet them again after a year! We at Fish&Co. I had seafood platter and shared it with Jac and Yaowen. Then we went to Giraffe, restaurant and bar. Initially, I thought they wanted to go to a pub, and I would definitely not go there (Zhi forbid me to go there too. hehe...) But the "pub" turned out to be a restaurant cum bar. So jac and I decided to join them for a little while. We ordered juices, a very expensive juice, and we chit chat for a while. Just 20 min past nine, we bid our goodbye to our NS guys and headed for PS. However, almost all the shops were closing for the day, so we walked for abour 15 mins and headed home. I was tired, but felt happy to meet up with my ex-classmates!!! But I didn't bring my camera -.-

while I'm happy to meet my family and friends, i still miss zhi >.< I wish he was here!!!

last sunday, we met a lost dog opposite my apartment.

Ani was going home and while we chatted at my door, she saw a dog opposite and whistled. To our suprised, the dog came to us. We quickly went inside and closed the door but the dog was still outside.

We played with dog for a while. The dog was pretty obedient and we saw a red strap on his neck, but no name, just a strap. We brought the dog to Viking and Indra's house. Played there for some time and then we walked to the original place where the dog was last spotted. We let the dog roamed on his own hoping he will find his way hope. But the dog was really lost.

After debating, we decided to call the police. Ana called. The first time, he was told that it was not an emergency -.-

the second time, he was told that the Animal Control unit was closed and we should call again tomorrow.

So we decided to bring the dog to Zhi's house. It was easy to ask the dog to go into the car but he just refused to go down. I think he was scared he would be abandoned again. When zhi and ani wanted to carry him, he threatened to bite them.

We fed him with bread and ani managed to lure him off the car. finally!

The dog stayed over at zhi's house.... we went home at 1am! and we still had an 8.30am class tmr >.<

Zhi brought the dog to my place in the moring and we decided to bring the dog to ana's house for ana to look after. The dog wouldn't climbed up the stairs, unfortunately. then, he saw a squirrell and chased after it. The squirrell seek refuge on top a tree nearby while the dog waiting patiently for it to go down. He would leave the tree no matter what we do to distract him. We were running late for class. Ana was left with the dog and the responsibility of calling the animal control people.

While we were sitting bored to sleep in the lecture room, ana messaged ani and the dog was brought away by the control unit people. The dog kept looking back at ana, asking for help. Poor dog! Wonder who's the owner! I hope he found a better home.

And the puppy above.... isn't he cute???